Call it what you will (peer pressure anyone?), but I too have felt a compulsion to unleash my innermost thoughts on you, my most evil rival, calculus.
I'm just gonna have to say that I don't get it. I mean, I don't get calculus, as is apparent by my ever declining grades in class, but I don't get why it is so difficult to understand. Until this year, I would have been quick to tell any who would listen that I was indeed a math-person. I got math. I liked math. I liked the challenge. I liked the ease with which I grasped new concepts, while others around me began to faulter and fail.
I liked math.
I'd like to take this moment to put into words a conversation that I had. It was between me, and a certain faceless character named Calculus. This was the conversation that took place:
Me: Hi, I'm Spencer, I like math, I'm smart.
Calculus: Oh yea, let's see what we can do about that.
Me: Ouch! That hurts, you are crushing my head with nonsensical symbols and formulas that everyone insists I may need, but everyone knows they never will!
Calculus: So, what do you think of math now?
Me: I hate it! I hate you! You're a monster! Damn you! Damn you to Hell! Burn! You spawn of Satan!
It wasn't really a good day dream, but I like to think that if Calculus was a person that he (because everyone knows calculus couldn't possibly be a girl since girls have brains much too small to be able to comprehend such a manly topic) would be such a douche... But maybe, just maybe, we're too hard on Calculus. Maybe, he's a bully because that's all he knows...
Calculus: [Sob] Mom! Nobody gets me! Everybody hates me! I have no friends!
Calculus' Mom: Honey! That's not true! I'm sure lots of people like you!
Calculus: Oh yea!? Who?
Calculus' Mom: Well... Uhh... I'm sure that smart young Tilley child likes you!
Calculus: No... He just wrote a blog, and it said he didn't like me. They say I'm a bully and that I'm too hard and difficult to understand...
Calculus' Mom: Well, are you? I wasn't going to say anything, but I did get some calls from kids at school's mothers, and they weren't to happy about what you were doing to their kids. Honey, maybe you should just ease up on them, you know, drop the random symbols and algebra. Maybe you should start hanging out with Algebra 1, he might rub off on you.
Calculus: You think?
Calculus' Mom: Of course honey! You just need to loosen up and be nicer, then they'll be sure to love you!
Calculus: Okay, I'll try mom. Thanks for talking with me.
Calculus' Mom: Anytime honey, you know I'm here for you.
Maybe one day, a conversation like that will actually happen, and the world will be filled with Calculus-lovers not Calculus-haters. Until that day, FIGHT THE POWER!!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The Choice is Mine Yours
I guess it's the way things work. Simple economics will tell you that eventually, no matter how high something is, it will come down.
Life is very much this way- a general feeling of happiness, interrupted by spurts of intense emotion.
I've heard it said that even a blind squirrel finds some nuts, or even a broken clock is right twice a day, meaning that everybody's always right sometime.
However, I think a more applicable interpretation would be, "Even the happiest have sad days."
It almost seems like a cruel fate that no matter what, there will always be points of sadness in our lives.
We have two choices when we do hit these potholes in our metaphorical happy highways:
A) Give up. Life's too difficult, you wouldn't have made it anyway. Besides, if you're not trying, then you can't possibly fail. right?
B) Suck it up. Life is difficult, that's what makes it a challenge. "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" may not apply, but at least you're still alive, that's gotta mean something. Today may not have been a peak day, but if you don't give up, you've got the most valuable thing- a second chance. Tomorrow is another day, and if you can't make things better by tomorrow, you've always got the day after. It will get better.
Give up, or suck it up, the choice ismine yours.
Life is very much this way- a general feeling of happiness, interrupted by spurts of intense emotion.
I've heard it said that even a blind squirrel finds some nuts, or even a broken clock is right twice a day, meaning that everybody's always right sometime.
However, I think a more applicable interpretation would be, "Even the happiest have sad days."
It almost seems like a cruel fate that no matter what, there will always be points of sadness in our lives.
We have two choices when we do hit these potholes in our metaphorical happy highways:
A) Give up. Life's too difficult, you wouldn't have made it anyway. Besides, if you're not trying, then you can't possibly fail. right?
B) Suck it up. Life is difficult, that's what makes it a challenge. "That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" may not apply, but at least you're still alive, that's gotta mean something. Today may not have been a peak day, but if you don't give up, you've got the most valuable thing- a second chance. Tomorrow is another day, and if you can't make things better by tomorrow, you've always got the day after. It will get better.
Give up, or suck it up, the choice is
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
No more.
It seems that I am out of ideas to write about.
No more material to go on a tirade about.
No more epiphanies of great magnitude.
No more strong negative emotions to fuel introversion.
No more darkness that hangs over me, threatening to engulf me.
No more anxiety over an indistinct future.
I'm just plain old happy.
thanks.
No more material to go on a tirade about.
No more epiphanies of great magnitude.
No more strong negative emotions to fuel introversion.
No more darkness that hangs over me, threatening to engulf me.
No more anxiety over an indistinct future.
I'm just plain old happy.
thanks.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Judas's Carrot (Judas Iscariot)
Judas Iscariot, the timeless villain? Or exaggerated sinner, sentenced to be forever remembered by his darkest moments?
It seems that so many are quick to blame Judas for Jesus death, and they have good reason to do so, however the utter disgust that he is viewed with disturbs me. Judas was a man! We all sin! The unfortunate fact for this particular man is that his sins will forever be remembered in writing.
I think that one of the reasons that there is such universal dislike for Judas is due to the fact that nearly all can see themselves within him. And they hate it.
It's ironic, but as humans, we are often appalled by those who possess character flaws similar to our own. It is the thief who is most angry when stolen from, the liar when misled, the adulterer when cheated upon, and so forth. Perhaps there is some truth to the statement that we hate Judas, because we can relate to him. We are afraid of the simple truth-- we are just like him. That we are all capable of condemning even the Savior of this world. And we hate him. We hate him for opening our eyes to the horrible deeds that we are capable of.
Judas was a disciple. To all around him, he was a fine example, however as we now know, his heart was not always in the right place. As the disciple responsible for the money, he often succumbed to greed and withdrew some for himself. In fact, it was greed that led him to hand over Jesus as well.
Who among us has never succumbed to greed?
Let us try to embrace him, as we would a brother in need. Embrace him because we are alike. Embrace him because we are no better.
-because we're not.
It seems that so many are quick to blame Judas for Jesus death, and they have good reason to do so, however the utter disgust that he is viewed with disturbs me. Judas was a man! We all sin! The unfortunate fact for this particular man is that his sins will forever be remembered in writing.
I think that one of the reasons that there is such universal dislike for Judas is due to the fact that nearly all can see themselves within him. And they hate it.
It's ironic, but as humans, we are often appalled by those who possess character flaws similar to our own. It is the thief who is most angry when stolen from, the liar when misled, the adulterer when cheated upon, and so forth. Perhaps there is some truth to the statement that we hate Judas, because we can relate to him. We are afraid of the simple truth-- we are just like him. That we are all capable of condemning even the Savior of this world. And we hate him. We hate him for opening our eyes to the horrible deeds that we are capable of.
Judas was a disciple. To all around him, he was a fine example, however as we now know, his heart was not always in the right place. As the disciple responsible for the money, he often succumbed to greed and withdrew some for himself. In fact, it was greed that led him to hand over Jesus as well.
Who among us has never succumbed to greed?
Let us try to embrace him, as we would a brother in need. Embrace him because we are alike. Embrace him because we are no better.
-because we're not.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Memories
I like to drive. It gives me time to think, time to reflect upon myself. When I'm driving I immerse myself in my thoughts, hardly paying attention to the journey, for my mind is far from where I drive.
Often, I have much to reflect upon on my drive home from small-groups. Tonight was no different.
My thought process began with a song- Heard the World. As I listened to it, I was flooded with memories of when I first heard this very song. While, half-naked tanning on the roof during a church trip may sound unappealing to some, to me it is a fond memory.
My thoughts then took another direction. I began to weigh the value of memories. Memories are priceless. The very sight of a picture can flood one with emotions, a smell can trigger a smile, even terrible songs can bring back fond memories.
And as I pondered, I realized what I most fear. I fear, that one day I will begin to lose my memory. I fear that things that I now hold dear will be forever lost to me. I fear that I will cease to be me.
For without memories there cannot be a self. If I lose my memories, then I will surely lose myself.
Technically, this point can be argued, but let me divulge my reasoning behind my statement.
I have made many mistakes in my short life, if I had no memory of them, what would prevent me from repeating them? There are so many that I love and hold dear, what would prevent them from becoming blank faces, forever lost to me?
I am afraid that one day I will lose my memory. I will cease to be me. Surely I will still exist, but a lifetime of memories and learning will vanish, leaving a withering shell.
Maybe I don't fear so much what will become of me, but more how much pain will be thrust upon those who love me. I would rather not even imagine the pain of being forgotten by someone whom you love. How would my children feel if they were suddenly just another face in the crowd?
And so, I pray that when I leave this earth, it will be with all of the knowledge, and all of the love that I have garnered on my short time here. Don't let me lose it.
Often, I have much to reflect upon on my drive home from small-groups. Tonight was no different.
My thought process began with a song- Heard the World. As I listened to it, I was flooded with memories of when I first heard this very song. While, half-naked tanning on the roof during a church trip may sound unappealing to some, to me it is a fond memory.
My thoughts then took another direction. I began to weigh the value of memories. Memories are priceless. The very sight of a picture can flood one with emotions, a smell can trigger a smile, even terrible songs can bring back fond memories.
And as I pondered, I realized what I most fear. I fear, that one day I will begin to lose my memory. I fear that things that I now hold dear will be forever lost to me. I fear that I will cease to be me.
For without memories there cannot be a self. If I lose my memories, then I will surely lose myself.
Technically, this point can be argued, but let me divulge my reasoning behind my statement.
I have made many mistakes in my short life, if I had no memory of them, what would prevent me from repeating them? There are so many that I love and hold dear, what would prevent them from becoming blank faces, forever lost to me?
I am afraid that one day I will lose my memory. I will cease to be me. Surely I will still exist, but a lifetime of memories and learning will vanish, leaving a withering shell.
Maybe I don't fear so much what will become of me, but more how much pain will be thrust upon those who love me. I would rather not even imagine the pain of being forgotten by someone whom you love. How would my children feel if they were suddenly just another face in the crowd?
And so, I pray that when I leave this earth, it will be with all of the knowledge, and all of the love that I have garnered on my short time here. Don't let me lose it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Terry
Tonight, I had dinner with a stranger.
He has been working his whole life, mostly part-time jobs.
He's lived in every state, even Canada and Mexico.
Lately he's lost a lot of work due to the influx of Hispanics.
But he's not bitter.
Lately he's been having financial troubles.
But he's not worried.
Lately he's been forced to resort to humiliating means for money.
But he's not humiliated.
Lately he's been living under a bridge.
But he's not complaining.
His name is Terry, he's well into his 50's, possibly even 60's, and homeless.
The most amazing thing is, he lives life one day at a time without worry. He confessed to me that his favorite verses dealt with how we are like sheep, and the Lord is our shepherd, caring for us through all things.
This guy lives on $10 a day, the least we can do is be thankful for what we have in such abundance.
He has been working his whole life, mostly part-time jobs.
He's lived in every state, even Canada and Mexico.
Lately he's lost a lot of work due to the influx of Hispanics.
But he's not bitter.
Lately he's been having financial troubles.
But he's not worried.
Lately he's been forced to resort to humiliating means for money.
But he's not humiliated.
Lately he's been living under a bridge.
But he's not complaining.
His name is Terry, he's well into his 50's, possibly even 60's, and homeless.
The most amazing thing is, he lives life one day at a time without worry. He confessed to me that his favorite verses dealt with how we are like sheep, and the Lord is our shepherd, caring for us through all things.
This guy lives on $10 a day, the least we can do is be thankful for what we have in such abundance.
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